Why I've been so quiet

Growing up in front of the TV as a kid, I was a sucker for hot new toy commercials. New Power Rangers Megazord? I need it! Dumb fighting robot rumble arena? Doesn't matter, this commercial rules and I have to have it! There was always rad music that got you pumped and lame special effects that were only passable to a 9 year old. Every once in awhile, when I was lucky enough to bring one of these toys home, I'd discover that it wasn't really as great as the commercial made it out to be. That kid actor was paid lots of money to look like he was having the time of his life playing with it -- and his hair was always soooo cool! Now that I owned the thing, I was jazzed for the moment, but sometimes left a little underwhelmed since the commercial hyped it up and raised my expectations. It wasn't actually what I wanted.

Okay, not the best example in the world... Point is, I'm currently running into the same problem where I started getting what I thought I wanted, and now I'm not really convinced that I want it anymore.

I came here to immerse myself in Hollywood, work on some movies, and eventually write my own. I reasoned that to mean I should get into production and be PA and work my way up to something better when the opportunity presented itself. At first, I couldn't find any paying work, so I PA'd for free on a few projects and those eventually led to my first paid PA gig. Short narrative, music video, commercial work -- I tried a little of each. Finally a little progress and a start, be it a small one. Problem: I just don't feel like it anymore.

Here's what I discovered about myself while working on the past few projects;

1. I can't really handle 13-14 hour workdays, especially when sitting down is a no-no. I don't think I have the physical stamina needed for constantly lugging around heavy equipment while always being sleep deprived. Sue me.

2. I don't like being everybody's bitch, nor do I have thick enough skin that I'm okay with being consistently blamed for things that aren't my fault. I know this comes with the territory, as it does in plenty of other types of work, but I'm still not okay with being in a "Yes, master. It won't happen again." position.

3. I diligently observed and hung out with people from each department to try and decide which one I would like to transition into. Thing is, I don't want in on any of them. No grip, lighting, art dept, camera, script supervising, no nothing. I'm just not drawn to any of them enough for me to dedicate myself to one. Some are appealing, but at the end of the day I'd rather just write something and leave the production to the other guys.

4. Although the experiences had while making this stuff are often a once in a lifetime deal, the money doesn't change anything. If I still feel like shit at the end of the day and keep having to ask myself why I'm doing it, the whole thing just doesn't work out in my head. Being a freelance PA is great for gaining on set experience and getting exposure to other professionals in their element, but if I can't imagine myself having a future in production, the low rates aren't really enough for me to stick around.

5. Working a more consistent job while writing on the side just sounds so much more appealing than anything else. Coming home each night during an extended shoot means immediately collapsing into bed for an attempt to rest before the next call, leaving me no time to even think about the story I'm working on. Deal breaker.

What's really annoying is that I've only been down here for a few months. That's nothing. I'm so young, but every gig feels like a make or break experience that will define the rest of my future. Yes, I'm aware of how stupid that sounds. I'm at a point where it's impossible for me to imagine where I'll be in just a year. I'm also at the point where if another PA gig comes up, I might need the money so badly that I'll have to do it whether I want to or not...

So much of the struggle in taking this route is separating what I think I want from what I need. If anything, I've learned what I don't want to do, which is somewhat useful, right? Don't get me wrong, this isn't a post saying I'm done and packing up. I just have this idea floating around somewhere inside me that says production might not be my thing and that's okay, try something new. So I will.

Is the story fresh or rancid?

Getting the ball rolling on my next script has been close to impossible since my big move. I had it my head that I'd cruise down here, eventually find some work, and continue writing diligently in my spare time. No such luck.

So far I've been able to land some PA gigs working for free, which is good experience and nice for meeting people, but, well, lets save the job rant for another time... *screams internally*

It's funny how motivating a screenwriting professor is when they threaten to fail you if you don't crank out a stack of pages each week. Now that those days have come and gone I'm watching my self-discipline melt away. Yeah, part of the blame goes to video games, movies, and procrastination. I'll admit that. A huge part of it is also getting frustrated that most of my ideas have gone nowhere.

Around the same time Pacific Rim was in post-production I was developing my own treatment for a giant mech extravaganza. It'll be fine, I thought. Just a coincidence and mine doesn't have aliens or any of the other junk they packed in. I should just keep going with it because it's what I want to write. Then a few months fly by and as I'm sifting through production listings I see Robotech is in fucking preproduction with Toby Maguire and possibly DiCaprio... I wasn't necessarily writing Robotech, but the whole franchise and the 80s anime milieu just made me feel like whatever spin I would have put on my similar mech story at this point would be shadowed in some way by those films. It just felt less and less original as more of the same was stirred into the pot. I could say who cares, if it's good it's good and will be recognized as such, but it just feels really lame to be writing something a lot like whatever trend is popping up at the time. I had to give it some breathing room.

I also keep stumbling into this weird thing where I start writing a movie that already exists without realizing it. My next stab at an idea turned out to be a Metropolis rehash and then the following week it was that weird Spielberg android Pinocchio A.I. thing. I haven't even seen A.I., but I started writing that exact kind of story. You might say movies are never wholly original and can always be described by a mixture of two movies that have come before them. I'm not disagreeing with that, but I just can't get excited about something if it feels like it's already been done. So if it doesn't get me excited, well then I'm just not going to write it. And that's basically what's happened with all of my story ideas so far. I was just hesitant to write anything because for one reason or another I wasn't excited about them and kept shutting myself down with excuses.

So now I'm not only learning to bounce my ideas off people to make sure I haven't accidentally rewritten a movie, but also I'm figuring out how to filter the stories I absorb everyday and take aspects I like to make them my own without totally ripping them off. There's a fine balance between borrowing elements from stories and ignoring other work to just write what comes naturally.

Today I think I nailed down a new story idea that I'm genuinely exited about. Now the challenge is to prevent it from spoiling. How can I make it mine and keep it mine? The only answer I can think of is to just say fuck it and write no matter what. Nothing's perfect right away, so the most productive thing to do is develop something that feels fresh and hope it improves. Either way it's a learning experience. It's easy to throw bad ideas out, but to be able to differentiate the great ones from the rest is a skill I'm still getting the hang of.

Mediating your inner noob

Studying film in college was one of the best decisions I ever made. I have no regrets. However, reality sets in after graduation and now that I'm looking for work in the film biz, nobody gives a shit what I studied. The real question is: can I do the job? Sure, having the background of working on student films, knowing the in-depth history of the industry, and doing critical analysis of hundreds of films down to the shot are all worthwhile in themselves, but frankly, it's all completely irrelevant to becoming a set P.A.

I'm used to small student crews where everybody does everything. Hey, can you move that light over here? Somebody help me with this makeup and then set out the lunch. Now I've entered the land of don't you fucking dare touch that c-stand and I ain't paid to do your job. Okay, not everybody's that much of a dick, but it still takes a little getting used to.

This past weekend I attended a crash course in being a production assistant at P.A. Bootcamp. If you've never heard of it, it's basically a two-day seminar that prepares you for your first day on the job so you know what and what not to do as a P.A. on a professional crew. If you have heard of it before, it might have something to do with the controversy surrounding whether it's worth the money and the time, as apposed to just learning everything on your first day of work. I certainly am not going to feed the fire. I can understand both sides of the argument and I am only presenting my own personal experience.

Now, taking into account that I studied film for four years, worked (one could say played) on my fair share of student film sets, and had a short runner gig for the Golf Channel, I still felt nervous about working on a pro crew as a noobie P.A. Why? Because, simply put, I didn't want to fuck up on my first day and be conspicuously absent from the next call sheet i.e. fired. If the AD finds out I don't know what I'm doing, they're going to hire somebody who does. The last thing an assistant director needs is to take time out of their own day to train me. I know you can already smell an argument here, especially something like if you're too stupid to learn how to P.A., you should probably stick to flippin' burgers.

Nobody's saying the set lingo or radio etiquette is rocket science, I'm just the type of person who wants to know what I'm in for given the chance. See, not only did I learn everything I needed to know about how to be a successful P.A. before day one, I gained confidence in myself to step into a job I'd never done and not stick out like a sore thumb. I won't go into it much more than that. All I'm saying is that my time and money were well spent and I met some wonderful people. Sometimes you just have to ignore what other people say and experience something first hand to understand it.

I certainly gained a better understanding of how the business end of production works, namely who to call to ask for work. Before I was calling front desks and didn't even really have a term for what I wanted to do besides "entry level position." Office minion? Sure. Slave on nobudget shoot? Sure. Now I've retrofitted my resume and my attitude. I'm calling every show in the LA area that's in production and looking to be a dayplayer set P.A.

Granted, the 2nd AD or whoever happens to be doing the hiring is already calling the P.A.s they've worked with for years and their friends of friends all before they get to my dinky resume at the bottom of the pile -- and oh yeah, a fat majority of features are now produced out-of-state for tax incentives, but hey, baby steps.

I've got my surveillance mic, my little utility pouch, some comfy shoes, and at least a few days of training... I really just need to dive in at this point. Question is: Now that my savings are running out, how long will I have the phone glued to my ear calling for work before something magically appears? Before Mommy and Daddy refuse to pay next months rent? No clue. Dayplaying seems totally impractical, and yet I know it can be done. What the fuck am I doing?

I just want to make movies...

A thick skin is a must. Go fuck yourself. You're hired!

I've been in LA for an entire week now! Everything is a bit overwhelming. Memorizing new street names, figuring out where to get food and do laundry. Took me a few days just to get some basics down, but I made it! I said I would come here and I did :)

I just wrapped up my internship at Spec Scout. Got a solid three months of doing script coverage, which I hope will benefit me in my search for a job.

Speaking of jobs... Looking for one is a full time job in itself. I mean, yeah, no more college translates into more downtime than I'm used to, but I basically live on the internet now when I'm not exploring the city. I've been using that downtime to scour job listings, fine-tune my resume, and RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH.

It kind of sucks that a lot of the assistant jobs I'm applying to want at least a year's worth of desk experience, but seriously, how hard can it be? Candidates must know how to work a phone and a computer and be able to schedule somebody else's life. Whoa. Must be detail-oriented, resourceful, and have excellent organizational skills. Gimme a break... This shouldn't be that difficult. 

I know a few of my readers are also film students, so I thought I might at least share some of the online resources I've been using so far.

The Anonymous Production Assistant (God bless 'em) posts the UTA Joblist every time it's released, about every week or so. It lists a variety of current jobs from  internships to executive positions.

Mandy is a huge database of jobs in the entertainment industry, as is the aptly named Entertainmentcareers.net. I've been frequenting them both pretty often.

LA 411 is a beast of a site that will become useful when I begin my cold walk-ins. It lists all kinds of production companies and also specific people who are available for work in whatever position you can think of. Later this week I'll be combing the site for agencies, offices, and production companies so I can go to them in person. I think showing my face might have a little more resonance than a mere email response to an online job post, but we'll see. LA 411 also has a jobs board beta, which is run by Media Match.

Now, I'm still up in the air when it comes to Media Match because it's one of those sites like Linkedin where you have to use their service whether you like it or not. Basically, instead of just uploading my resume in PDF format, I have to fill out a profile with all my information and they construct a pseudo-resume for me and send it with my application and the rest of my profile to whoever I'm applying to. Granted, I found at least 9 or 10 jobs there just today, and they keep emailing me more  whenever a new relavent job is posted, but I had to pay about $10 for a month of their service before I was even allowed to apply for any of the positions. Worth it? I'm skeptical to say the least. 

Oh yeah, and there's also Craigslist... Ol' faithful. Hey, don't knock it. It's served me well in the past and got me an internship, I'm just covering all my bases here.

Aside from scouring the internet and physically going to places, nothing beats networking with a friend or that one guy you used to know from freshman year. Not always the easiest route if you're like me and don't have a rad posse of LA filmies to get your back. So, I'll take this opportunity to give a shout out to anyone who has any leads. Hey you! Got a job for me? 

*chirp chirp, chirp chirp*

If I'm missing something, please let me know.

Adult talk aside, I hit up the Old Pasadena Film Festival last weekend and it was awesome! I caught Annie Hall and Chicago FO FREE, one projected on a huge building in a shopping center and the other on a weird inflatable screen in a park. Free movies all month long can't be beat, especially when they're good ones. I could get used to this...

Ben, how come you haven't complained about how shitty the traffic is and the ridiculous heat? Okay, yes, it's been hot. But this traffic thing is actually fun. I don't even get mad, it's like everyone wants to race and it's just entertaining for me to observe how insane people drive and then imagine what kind of despicable human is sitting in that car in front of me that just cut me off to get ten feet ahead for no reason. I start making up stories for their lives and then before I know it I'm where I need to be. Go figure.

One thing that is starting to worry me, is that my writing seems to have slowed down a little bit. I'm at the point where I'm just taking notes here and there when ideas pop up, but I should really be making more outlines and developing the notes into bigger works. Part of me thinks HEY this is crazy, you just moved to a new city and need to get settled, but the other smarter more productive part of me thinks HEY don't ever slow down, get started on that second script, bitch! Who do you think I should listen to?

I have a good excuse, I swear!

Been awhile since my last post. I'm still here! Here's a hint at what I've been up to:

Yup. That happened. BA in Film and Digital Media.

Siiiiiiiick.... Haha


But seriously, I feel SO good right now! 4 years... UCSC is truly a wonderful school. I met some beautiful people and formed lifelong friendships. I learned more about myself and the world than I ever thought possible. I made work that I'm proud of. I looooooooooove Santa Cruz and part of me will always be here.

What more can be said?

Oh, wait. I know.

I'M LA BOUND!

Woo! You guessed right. No callbacks, no interviews... BUT I found a place to live in East Hollywood for a few months. Baby steps.

I'm moving to the city with no job. What? Okay.
If I don't try, I fail. It's that simple. I fail if I don't try. I just need to find something, that's all there is.

We're getting to the meat and potatoes of what I made this blog for in the first place. Isn't it exciting?! Nod your head yes.

And, YES, I would love to hear your advice for living in Los Angeles! Thanks for asking. Especially delicious cheap food. I'm all ears. I lived in Westwood a few summers ago when I took a film class at UCLA, and visited a few times since, but I really don't know my way around too well.

Oh, and also, I don't know that many people who live down there, so don't be a stranger 8)

It's weird being able to feel a change coming on. The anxious anticipation of an unknown experience. Fear. The day will come when I won't think it was that scary and I'll laugh at myself, but until then, fingers crossed.

Moving on!

It can be argued that a screenplay is never finished. It can always be made better, but at a certain point the writer has to make it as good as they can and move on. I've come to this point with my first script. Granted, I learned a lot by writing it and got a better understanding of the process, but now I'm ready to create a new story and see where it takes me. I'm done, onto the next. But first...

I don't think I'm the type of person who cares to keep amateur work hidden away.
Here's the whole thing, my script called Stuck in Neutral.

I understand if you're not down with 90something pages, but if you are so inclined, I would love any feedback or constructive criticism you have. I'm new at this and want to get better.

Until next time...

Job Hunting

With about six weeks left of college, it's fair to say I've moved into a land of both desperation and fear, of debt and unemployment. I've just crossed over into... The Panic Zone!

Where do I begin? In between working on projects for school, film club shorts, and covering 2 scripts a week for Spec Scout, any free time I do actually have is now spent probing the internet for a real job in Hollywood.

This article over at The Script Lab has been a big help along with the UTA job listings posted by The Anonymous Production Assistant. Inevitably, my search through the barrage of different titles and positions has forced me to do some uncomfortable self-evaluation (Do I even have a chance?), but also decide on what exactly to apply for.

For awhile I've simply wanted to work as a production assistant on feature films. Problem is, as far as I know, that kind of thing is a day-player position and not at all consistent. Not the best option for a guy like myself who needs a regular income for the first few months of getting settled into LA life. I'm jonesing to work on a legit production crew, but I have my doubts about it being practical for long enough to pay rent.

My other choice would be to work in development and get my hands dirty with some script work. From what I've gathered in the articles and from my bosses at Spec Scout, paid reader positions don't really exist anymore. I've been told that if I want to continue writing/reading screenplays and have a chance at a more consistent employment, I should get a job as an assistant. To who? Good question, but I suppose anyone doing relevant work in the industry would be a decent start. Most of the UTA listings are for these positions, so I'll take a crack at them first. Granted, gluing a phone to my head and managing some goof's calendar doesn't sound like my idea of a great time, but at this point I'm willing to swallow my pride and then some.

It feels shitty to not be qualified for much more than script coverage or running errands. I know I could write for something or work on a crew, but for now I'm just trying to get past the initiation -- what everyone calls "paying your dues". There's a little comfort in knowing that everyone has to start at the bottom. Everyone was in my position at some point and in that way I know I just have to work with what I've got and stifle the panic. Fingers crossed.

Short love letter

Dear Craigslist,
I love you and am indebted to your indispensable services. I've bought and sold over three cars, found an awesome apartment with great roommates, and now have secured an internship as a result of simply checking up on new postings everyday and responding on a whim -- for free. All thanks to you! Although there are a few serial killers and scams floating around out there, I can attest that success can be had with enough persistence. Thank you for existing, you have improved my life tremendously :)
Forever yours,
Ben

Writing up coverage on a few scripts a week for three months is exactly what I need and it couldn't have happened at a better time. That first connection, even if it is an unpaid reading position, can sometimes be a crucial stepping stone to something more substantial afterwards. It's a great way to get your foot in the door for anyone just starting out just like myself.

John August (Go, Big Fish, Frankenweenie) has a fantastic podcast called Scriptnotes where he talks about doing exactly the same thing when he was just a beginner. His advice is totally on point with where I'm at. He and Craig Mazin (Scary Movie 4, Hangover 3, Identity Thief) offer an interesting perspective as Hollywood screenwriters along with plenty of useful tips. Needless to say I'm an avid listener and note taker... Check it out!

This is the home stretch. My final 10 weeks of college. I've miraculously managed to secure an internship and now I am prepping my own script for the Goldwyn screenwriting competition at the same time. Who knows if anything will turn out. I often wonder if I'm any good or at least competent, but just like everything else in life the only thing to do is to try my best and hope one day at least a funny story will come out of it :)